Resolutions

I was reading through this blog…… contemplating shutting it down. But I found it to be something of great value, not for you, not even for me, but for my children. How I would have loved to read my moms personal thoughts and feeling when she was a young mother and wife. I hope one day my kids will read this and get a little glimpse of what I was like when they were young. So on that note…. I will make a resolution to write more…and to write honestly.

I started out 2010 in a major funk. I was over weight, tipping the scales at 166….and for someone who is not quite 5’ 1” that is really heavy. I also wasn’t pregnant, which was something that I had been trying to be for 2 years. I was lost. Sad. Discouraged. It was like I was filling my empty womb with food. Then I decided I couldnt control getting pregnant but I could control myself physically and started my weight loss journey. I lost 51 lbs, and am a fit 115 lbs. It took almost 10 months to do it, and during that time I learned so much about myself. I realized that I am in charge of my happiness…it’s not dependent on my husband, or my children….but is my responsibility. I don’t know if we will ever have another baby. Grace is six and as the gap gets larger my desire for another one gets smaller. I never in a million years could have imagined having such a small family. But you can’t predict your future…and would you really want to?

So now I begin 2011 without a resolution to loose weight, and that’s a first. Instead I am going to have to focus on making harder changes. Like working on my spiritual and religious self. It’s hard to be in a marriage with someone with different religious views…but I can’t hide behind that any longer. I use Paul as my excuse for being lazy…and that’s not fair to him. I used to find such peace in scripture study and prayer and now I have a void wear that use to be. So I will step it up and I’m sure I will be happier for it.

I would also like to start taking pictures again. It’s sad when you stop doing something you were once passionate about. I not only what to take more photos, but I would like to take another class, and really work on developing this hobby into something great. I find such beauty through the lens of a camera. Not only when I am looking through it, but when I see what others have captured. I love everyone’s photos on facebook and blogs. You can see how much they love their kids or how beautiful they find this world around them.

I would also like to….cook more, clean more, spend less, practice more patience, eat more healthily, tell more jokes, make more friends, give more of myself to others, be more charitable, more kind …………the list goes on and on and on. But I know there is one thing I can never be and that’s perfect, so I will take it one day at a time. So today maybe I’ll pray and charge my camera battery.

I would like to say one more thing before I go. I am happy, really happy. I’m not saying life is perfect or simple, but I am excited for what’s next and proud of what’s behind me. And you can’t ask for more then that.