Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Why haven't I blogged?

Why haven't I blogged? That's a question I have been asked a lot lately....the answer is simple, I've been trying to lose weight. I know some of you are saying that I could blog and diet at the same time....but it simply is not true for me. I have found that this goal of loosing weight, that has been escaping me for the last 5 years, takes all the focus, energy , and determination that I have in my body. And it wasn't until I came to this conclusion, that I have made any progress at all. Now I spend my life in exercise clothes and am eating things that bring me no joy but that are good for my body.....but it will be worth it. I already feel better and look better. I have lost 20 lbs.....can you believe it....20 freaking lbs in 2 months.

Any one who knows me may be wondering "how did this happen?" .......the answer is that I don't really know. One day I was eating takeout with Paul and watching the biggest loser....and as I watched these 500 lb people work so freaking hard, sweat pouring down their faces, crying and barfing but pushing through and sticking to it. I thought if they can do it...I can do it. The next day I signed up for weight watchers....even as I write that I feel embarrassed, I know I shouldn't but I do. I lost 3 1/2 lbs the first week and that was it, I was on my way!

Now this isn't a Weight Watchers commercial....I only really did it for a month (but I had done it before after I had Nick and lost 25 lbs) now I still use the tools and I might go back to the meetings if I slip back into the bad habits I had before. I would also like to add if there is any one reading this who has thought of joining WW it. And do it the right way go to the meetings I'm being a bad example. But what has really changed my life is exercise. In my whole life I have NEVER been one to work out. I HATED it!! But something has changed....The first thing I did was go to a spin class with Paul. The first time I sat on that teeny tiny bike seat....I thought there's no way I can sit on this thing for an hour. But i did..and it was HELL! I'm not joking I left that class black and blue...and more sore then I have ever been. I couldn't do all the things the instructor asked of us.....not even close, but I kept peddling and swearing under my breath and shooting dirty looks and Paul. But I thought of those people on the biggest looser and I realized that pain and sweat is part of the deal. So the next day I went for a run even though my body hurt like crazy......I was sore for a month......that's not an exaggeration. But I stuck with it, and pushed through the pain. I never thought I could do that.

Now I go to spin every Tuesday, and I keep up! I still get sore when I go to Power Pump on Thursday and I can't run very long...but every day I get stronger and push myself harder. And as I write this I am getting a little teary.....I'm really proud of myself. I've lived in a body I have hated for so long...and I never believed I could change. And I'm changing.....not only am I losing weight, but I am becoming a more confident person....strong. I'm not saying that it's still not a challenge. I love food and I love to bake and my family is starting to protest the lack of cake and cookies around the house. I still fall from time to time....only now I get back up and ride off on a spin bike. I have 25 more lbs to go before I reach my goal. I know I can get there......I didn't know that before.