The mishaps of frumpy shoppers in fancy stores

I don’t know if any of you know this but we moved 3 days before Halloween. During the landscaping of our yard they cut the cable so we had to call Comcast to get a new one installed, they said they had to do it Wednesday or we would have to wait until November 12^th……well Paul can’t live one day without Cable so we had to move 3 days before Halloween. Did I mention that I was throwing a party for about 40 people the Friday before Halloween…..so needless to say it was a stressful week, but I pulled it off. So when my mom asked me if I wanted to go to San Francisco for a couple days’s to do some Christmas shopping I happily said yes.

I thought it was going to be a vacation, relaxing, eating great food, and maybe even see a movie. I knew I was in trouble when I got in the car with my mom to go to the airport and she started reading her list….it went on and on, and that’s when it hit me……we are shopping for 30 people!!! Then after she finished reading the list she said…” you know how we are both trying to loose some weight, well I was thinking maybe we should just eat lunch everyday and nothing else.”….so the great food was cut by a third. Suddenly it dawned on me this was not a vacation at all but a business trip, there would be no relaxing, not as much eating as I would have enjoyed (call me a pig if you like, but that is what vacations are for) and there would diffidently not be any movies, I forgot my mom doesn’t see them.

When we got to my parents house in San Fran we put down our bags, went to the bathroom and then my mom said “let’s go to Macys”. So we were off. We first tried the Lexus but the battery was dead. So then we tried the mini van (which smelled like rotting carcasses and sour milk) but its battery was also dead. Last but not least it was the Maida…a stick shift…in San Francisco. I was slightly terrified as I pulled out of the driveway onto the steep hills of San Fran. Our first stop was the Men’s Macys to look for shirts and ties. There are 11 men in my family to shop for and my mother likes to get them all a shirt and a tie. Now your thinking ….no big deal, grab a couple of shirt and a couple of ties and your set. But no you’re wrong, mother carefully picks out a shirt she likes, and then she tries to figure out which brother its best suited for …..She then gets out her list of sizes, and sometimes she even pulls out her little measuring tape to make sure the sleeves will fit just perfect. Then we try to find a tie….really I found this to be the most painfull thing about this trip. My mom takes the shirt around to the dozen or so tables of ties (each has about 100 ties on them) she picks up the ones she likes, puts them up to the shirt, keeping her favorites to compare to the other ties on the next table. It really was amazing to watch the thought she puts into each shirt and tie. Amazing and maddening. That night we shopped for five hours, we got home at 7 and watched some Jeeves and Wooster in her bed and when to sleep.

The next day we were downtown at 10:00 sharp (sans breakfast) we shopped and shopped. Every gift we bought was thought a lot about, some things were put on hold in case we found something better and then we would return and pick it up if we decided it was our favorite. We stopped at Janie and Jack ( a children’s clothing store) and I think the word cute was said at least 1000 times in the 45 min we spent there.

For lunch we went to Neiman Marcus, it’s a San Fran tradition. Let me take a moment to describe what my mother and I are wearing…I am in jeans that I have been wearing for 3 day’s and they are getting pretty sad looking, I have on a t- shirt and a cardigan that’s sleeves have bagged out . I am sporting my old running shoes (comfort first) and I am carrying a tiny PLASTIC Macys bag. My mom is wearing some Nike capries and her hefty walking sandals a dress shirt (she looks better then I do, but not much). The reason I mention this is because Neiman Marcus is sort of fancy and has I sit there waiting for a table I marvel at all the statuesque beauties in there designer closes with their designer bags. To make matters worse I order a hamburger the ladies at the next table are all eating salads and as I dip my French fries into my ketchup I am feeling a little trashy. But luckily my mom and I start laughing historically at all of this, and I am glad I am not fancy but that (like my mother) I am a relaxed person with great ability to laugh at myself.

But now that we are on the subject of how my mom and I looked while we were shopping, can I just say …we got no respect. While shopping for shoes my mom and I both had our arms full of shoes, and no one would help us. I am shore they were “thinking those frumpy ladies won’t be buying very many, but they are going to want to try on everything”. At Bloomingdales I had upset stomach and had to find a bathroom…only a really trashy lady would have diarrhea in a Bloomingdales ….needless to say we got no respect there either. We ended our day at 8:00 pm…..we had shopped for 10 hours!!! But we got a lot done. The next day was the same another 10 hours of shopping. Then on Saturday we wondered around Fillmore and Union looking in all the little shops (again getting no respect) we had lunch at a Chinese restaurant and then caught our plane.

It defiantly wasn’t a vacation….but I had a great time with my mother. I love her more than words can say. She is so thoughtful in her gift giving it shows how much she cares about all of the people in her life. I learn from her every day…..oh and I lost 2 lbs, I guess just eating lunch has its plusses.