Forgive me for being down....

Do you ever get sad….I have been sad lately. I don’t really enjoy it. I am usually a very happy person…..I don’t let the stresses of my life get me down, but lately I have been feeling low. It’s not depression, I don’t feel hopeless or down on myself….I just don’t really feel like myself either.

I would like to blame it on the recession….staring at the tuna at the supermarket, wondering if the 70 cents you are going to save buying the cheep stuff is worth the soggy, dark meet, tuna sandwich you are going to eat later. Then you tell yourself you will just feed it to the children ….but that’s not right...Is it? Now that’s depressing.

Or realizing as you bite into that chicken/ pork hot dog that the Jews are really the only people that have any business making hot dogs (Nathans kosher hot dogs are the best) and Western Family ketchup is so tangy and just not the same as Hines.

I really don’t think that’s it though ….I have a blessed life. I just went to Costa Rica for free! How great is that. I think that is were it all started, I came home and had to get back to the real world…why can’t I just live at the Four Seasons? I don’t think that spending 9 days in a swimsuit was good for my self esteem either. But besides wearing the swimsuit, it really was a fantastic vacation…….housekeeping and room service and beaches and family and nice restaurants.

You all hate me now….I am depressed because I had to come home from a 9 day vacation at the Four Season. Wow that does sound bad….I had better cheer up quick! Thank for letting me vent, now that I am feeling a little foolish, I will make a bigger fool of myself by posting some pictures of my awesome trip.

These first couple photos are from the annual Bryson Gualala trip...I thought I would just throw them in there.


This is what the nightly dinners look like....I think we had 25 of my family members on this trip.....but the more the merrier in my opinion.


From Nick down it is all Costa Rica...such a beautiful place and what a fun trip!

Some Cakes...just for fun, or to show off, your pick!

Well awhile back some oh you asked to see pictures of my cakes...so here they are! They are not perfect but they are fun and great memories!

The Jones is nine.....I can't believe it!!!

The other day Jonas was asked to give a talk in primary on prayer. He told me he wanted to prepare it himself, so I gave him a scripture to use and he went in his room to practice. On the way to church he told me he was ready and said he was just going to share some experiences from his life were his prayers were answered. So naturally as I sat in the primary room I was very eager to hear is talk.....and this is how it went.....He first shared his scripture and then he said " now I would like to tell you two times in my life where my prayers were answered.....One day I had a terrible stomach ache, it was so bad I didn't even know what I was going to do, so I said a prayer......and then right after I went into the bathroom and had a HUGE Diarrhea and it made me feel soooo much better!!" When I asked him why he shared that particular story he said "Adults tell funny stories in sacrament meeting all the time....it was appropriate wasn't it?" I laughed and told him it was fine.
That story epitomises my Jones....He is smart, independent, spiritual and very, very funny! Bringing Jonas into this world was a lot different then Nick....Jonas didn't fly out of my belly, he had to be pushed and pushed and finally pulled with huge tongs (and by the sweat of my drs brow) into this world. That should have been a warning to me about how the next few years were going to go. He cried all the way home from the hospital....that's when I knew I was in trouble. Here are a few of the things Jonas Hated when he was little....
Bouncy Chairs, Baby swings, any sort of spontaneous movement, cameras, loud noises, quiet, people, being outside, baths, and bugs! When Jonas was 2 we took him to Gualala on a huge Bryson family trip...he cried the whole time. The only thing that would quiet him down it watching the sound of music....he probably watched it fifteen times when we were there, my family still talks about it.
Jonas was a difficult child but a very funny one as well. He makes me laugh every day, and has since he was little. I can't believe he is nine. It blows my mind...it was just yesterday that he was 18 months and we were walking around the circle reciting the words to HOP ON POP....I would say a page and he would say a page...so cute. This last year has brought about a lot of changes in my Joe...he learned to ride a bike (something that used to terrified him)...he jumped off the deck and into the pond in Gualala....he did the zip line in Costa Rica and he ignores me most of the day. He has grown up, he no longer the fearful little boy he once was ..... I am so proud of him.
Well lets get on with it....we were home for one day in our 3 week vacation, that day was Jonas' birthday. So it wasn't very elaborate but it was fun never the less. He had a Lego Birthday cake.......


Grandma and Grandpa Meacham came over......Jonas' middle name it Alan after Paul's step father.
He got some Lego's from his parent and a really cool cruiser bike....It's black with flames on it...so cool.
Here are the Top Ten things I love about Jonas
1. He is SO SO funny.......Have I mentioned he's funny?
2. He's really smart
3. He sleeps in tightie whities every night and wears a red robe in the morning to cover up.
4. He also sleeps with ear plugs and a mask (which is funny because he also wants the door open and the bathroom light on)
5. He reads a lot
6. He is so nice to everyone
7. He is a great piano player
8. He is in love with Britney an will tell anyone who asked (he says she is the only one in the world who is allowed to push him on a swing)
9 He has never been afraid to be himself....never!
10. He wants to be a brain doctor and a children's author.

Summer time killers

Jonas, Nicholas and Grace all posing for the camera....getting ready to scooter up to Bridalveil Falls!
Grace LOVES to pose for the camera...first we have the sweet face pose..
Her "I'm to hot to trot" pose...(she really is just putting that face on for the camera, she's not grumpy....just COOL)
The classic "over the shoulder" pose
The "sassy dancer" pose....
And the "Hello Boys" pose....
Nick looking cool in his shades....
Rock climbing and wedgies...

" A rock for an eye...Jonas your so crazy"
Scooting back to the car....
And last but not least Jonas and Nick complaining about the stench coming from the porta potties and them talking about how the toilets have to be extra big so they can fit all the poop!
These two pictures were taken at Cabelas ....another summer time killer!

Jonas...another funny quote!

The kids had a sleepover this week. The biggest plan for the night was the 1:00 AM bed time!! I didn't think that in a million years that they would make it, their normal bedtime is 8:00...but they did make it! Even the princess made it to 12, and she asks to go to bed at 6:45 every night. Well at 1:15 the house is quiet....the kids are sleeping! I close my eyes, start the drift off and I hear a knock...It's Jonas, he can't sleep. I walk him back to bed and tuck him in. This happens 2 more times....then I hear him in the bathroom, pretending to vomit .....at this point it's almost two and I am getting very angry!!!! I take him into my bedroom......so I wont wake up the other children with all my yelling.

I explain to him that he will never be able to sleep if he keeps getting out of bed.

I tell him that he wont be able to have a sleepover ever again, if he doesn't go to bed.

I say, that I have trouble sleeping ever night and how would he feel if I woke him up every 5 sec to tell him that I can't sleep.

Then he says.." Mom you need to stop talking because you are making me feel like I don't even exist.....like I am not even a person....It's like I am not even here!"

Well I want him to feel like a person, so I soften up a bit and he comes and sits next to me in my bed....I soften my approach, but I by no means am ready to stop my lecture ( we are both delirious with sleepiness at this point) I continue by pointing out that his younger siblings are asleep...so maybe they will be able to have a sleepover again, but he will have to miss out because he wont go to bed. ( I admit that was a bit below the belt).

He looks at me and says ..." I think I am going to faint, because of all the HORROR!!"

You may be asking yourself ....what is the HORROR? Did he watch a scary movie.....did he have a bad dream....did he hear a strange noise? No.....I am the HORROR! I busted up laughing, and so did he...

Then he gets all cozy under my covers...props his head on his hand ....looks at me with his red sleepy, big brown eyes and says...."I just wish there was one place in the house, that was really cozy, that I could sleep."

So I turn of the light and he falls asleep in about 1/2 a sec. He snores like a rhino for about an hour...then at 3:30 I take him back to bed. I didn't fall a sleep until almost 5..(but you didn't see me waking him up)

First hike of the summer...

Here are some Photo's from our fist adventure of the summer....The Dinosaur Discovery Park! Or like we like to call it...The Dino Debacle. First of all we thought it was only 2 hrs to Vernal.....the picture above was taken during the 3rd hour of driving. Paul was giving Nick scratches.
When we got there the Museum/fossil exhibit was closed down for renovations ( I wish they would have posted that on their web site) but we could still take the hike.
Here are the kids setting off on the adventure....
Grace is already tuckered out.....it's been about 2 min.


Cactus are cool...
Grace and Jonas showing off a bone (rock) they found in the trail...
Grace showing everyone another bone she found.....it went on and on like that for a mile.

We stumbled upon a huge mud slide, so we made clay creations....even Paul joined in on the fun.

AHhhhh love!
It started to poor on the way back to the car....no one was too happy about it. I was wearing a white T-shirt so a picture of me would have been x-rated.

Luckily I had dry cleaning in the back of the car...so the kids all drove home in silk shirts.....doesn't Nick look pretty!

Are you only young once?

Paul and I were laying in bed the other night, he was reading one of his DEPRESSING novels and I was lying there with my book on my chest...staring at the ceiling fan. Paul looked at me and said "do you want to talk about something?". " No, I'm just thinking..." I replied. "sigh...Although, Do you think I have lost all my ambition....or have my opportunities to be ambitious just dwindled." All Paul could really say was ..."What?!"

You see, as I was staring at that terribly ugly ceiling fan, I was reminiscing on the girl I was in high school. Earlier that day I had stumbled across an old photo album. I couldn't help but marvel at all the photos of me staring at the camera with total confidence....a complete love of self! So that night as I lay in my bed I thought of the girl I used to be. I was ambitious....I had dreams. For example when I was young I wanted to be in a musical more then anything....so when I got to high school I tried out every year and, didn't make it...until my senior year...I was Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. I sang in front of hundreds of people! How the hell did I do THAT? You can't even get me to sing karaoke now! I also can't believe I kept trying and year after year I didn't even make the chorus ....but I never gave up.

I was Jr Class President...I remember the day I signed up to run for the office. I was asleep in my algebra class, something startled me, so when I woke up all my books fell on the floor. There was drool on my face...I laughed. The boy next to me was picking up my books..( he was new, but was very popular already) he noticed my registration form and asked me what I was running for, I told him I was running for Jr class president......he said he was too. Then he Laughed, and said (in a very snide tone) "good luck". You see I fell asleep in algebra every day..I had fallen out of my seat on multiple occasions and drool was no stranger. So this guy thought that I was no competition.....I wiped the floor with him. ( on a side note, he ran against me for student body president and won by a land slide). But what I marvel at more then winning, is the fact that I knew I was going too...even when he laughed at me, inside I was thinking he was such an idiot and that he didn't know who he was up against.

Really that story epitomizes who I was back then....A total nerd, with a butt load of confidence. In PE I had to bat at the same (special) spot as the down syndrome girl in the class. They used to call me "fall down girl" because I was constantly tripping on my shoes...the reason was I had to wear shoes that were a size to big, because of my super wide hobbit feet. I would blast my footloose soundtrack as Annie and I would belt it out at the top of our lungs in the school parking lot.....but I didn't care. I NEVER cared what other people thought of me. I didn't care that I had no rhythm....I would dance my heart out. I didn't care that my boyfriend went to another high school. I didn't care that all the "popular" kids hated me when I put "mods" and "nerd" in charge of events, when I was in student government. I Loved who I was!

Now the question is....do I still love who I am?................Yes. I can say that with complete confidence. I may not want my picture taken all the time. I also may want my pose to be just right...no more head on......face forward shots for me. (At least not for now). But I do like who I am.

With that being said, I do worry that I ( as a lot of mothers do) get so lost in caring for my lovely, loud babies.....that I don't take the time to go after my dreams. Those dreams that find me in my quiet moments. The ones that whisper....go back to school, study photography. ....Or...open your own bakery......Or....put that doughnut down, and go to the gym and get the body you deserve. I love myself but I have lost that drive and confidence of my youth...I have to get it back! For heavens sake I'm only 32!!!!